In search of... the right frame to perform


I can't help but think that this is not the right place for me, I'm not a musician I'm a just a very lucky 23 year-old guy living in the center of Paris and having fun with his computer, where so many people are really working hard on creating interesting sounds. I'm super lazy and unoriginal and it works in a way... I know I shouldn't complain but it's sometimes hard to accept this situation, what I am living... I want to push other artists, I want to talk about what I am listening to and stop doing my own "music", I think it would be far more interesting and useful. I hate maybe 90% of my sounds, I like some of my remixes maybe, I like the Toog collaboration because it's his music and lyrics and I have a lot of respect for his creation, but I would never buy a Digiki CD in a record store. Too boring ! When I am in Japan I don't care about all this, I do my shit and I am having fun doing it, because it's more about friendship, having fun without any stress. In Paris it's strange... I have never done anything in Paris, I feel I can't do anything. I can't connect with french (electronic) artists because I have so much respect for what they are doing, it's so much more interesting than my pathetic sounds ! People like Discom, O Lamm, Tsunami, DAT Politics etc are like super heroes to me. I feel ashamed, really. I'm so shy ! Sometimes I meet artists and they ask me "what are you doing?" and I answer "I do stuff, I'm working in a marketing company", which is true, and that's all. No mention of "music" or "sound": I can't. I'm not scared about that in Japan or abroad. I'm not afraid to try to contact famous artists in Japan. I have no problem talking to an american artist and telling him, very simply, "hey I like your stuff I would love to do something with you one day", but in Paris I can't. It's strange. So what shall I do ? Move somewhere else ? Stop pretending ? I don't know. I'm really enjoying working on other people material, so remixes or collaborations are still very interesting. It's some kind of a drug, I can't stop. I always want to try something. But regarding my own "sound"...I can only hear the negative aspect of it. It's badly mixed ! It's not original ! Oh this is so baaaad... Ok enough bullshit :) The funny thing is, I'm thinking already too much about all this shit and I still haven't released ANYTHING on a REAL label !! baka!

It leads us to...
"the 10 things I want to do (but it won't happen anyway)" list !

- Sleep more
I'm almost collapsing sometimes. Scary.

- Travel more
There is life outside France and Japan ! Explore !

- Read more
I'm so stupid. Libraries are useful :)

- Hey I'm french...
...so I shouldn't be so shy with french labels and people
(could be difficult to change!)

- Listen to more music
I know nothing, really.

- Develop Castellane as a internet label
I'm working on that. Castellane is not only Digiki !

- Learn how to speak english :)
did you manage to understand all the stuff I've wrote so far ?
my english is SO bad !

- Unexpected
my next project coul be a cookbook, or a video or a novel, I don't know. Keep surprising people is my #1 goal.

- Interesting music
this one sounds impossible :)

and...

- Enjoy it !!
I'm trying really hard :) I like already 10% of my sound, not bad !


this should keep me busy for the next 10 years :)